Öz'den is Writing...
Secrets and Reflections
The secret is something which remains and stays hidden, a situation which kept unknown from others, mystery.
So what we keep as a secret?
Betrayals, infidelity, be deceived; a story of love affairs where people could not come together as they were refused by families, been denigrated and feelings and thoughts of about such stories. Relationships, pregnancies, births, abortions, miscarriages in or out of wedlock, secret affairs where a name of the father kept secret. Adaptations, to be given for adaptations, abuses, rapes, incest, murders.
Secrets are all the things we are afraid of, feel upset about it and disbelieves, things that we cannot share.
Why the possibility of revealing secret loom over like a nightmare?
Because; when we reveal it, we are afraid of not been able to cope with it and think that no one understand us. When we talk about it we believe that we will be judged, will be rejected, humiliated, and unloved, so we stay silent. More we remain silent more we get hurt.
Secrets are scars from traumas which needs to be solved and healed. As long as we don’t accept them and transform them, we run from ourselves and others. Since we run away from them, they show themselves as an illness.
Why are secrets make us ill? We become ill so we can remember our body, empty our mind and accept our soul the way it is.
How can we obliged to take pills through out our lives while our body rejuvenate itself every day?
Because; instead of clearing and transforming our way of thinking, our secrets and all our traumas we keep in the depth of our memories that makes us ill.
If we die before revealing the secrets which we carried, they pass on to next generation as illness, deaths, repetitive loops.
But please remember, THERE IS NO CRIME, NOBODY IS GUILTY, NO ONE IS A VICTIM! There are experiences; there are lessons we learn from those experiences.
Before your secrets capture your mind, body, and soul, please share them with people whom they have right to know!
Talk about them, write about them, get help from a therapist who you can trust who works from the essence.
Please be aware that some of the issues you are struggling to solve might come from your mothers, fathers and ancestors' secrets. As Carl G. Jung stated: “ Things which come up to our awareness ( consciousness) becomes as our destiny.”
Lets got free from secrets and healed for yourself, for the sake of your children and you grandchildren.
Do you have the courage of to be free?
Everybody wants to be free. But some could not be free. Some pretending as they are free. People are hosting feeling of anger, guilt and rage for the price of so called freedom. Nothing compares to be completely free, to be in peace and happy. What do we need to be free, I wonder?
When someone restrict us, when you were tightened, have you ever complain about it?
Actually to complain is common for some, they become happy by complaining, maybe they have no intention or power of doing something else.
Because to be free takes responsibility and It needs a courage to take responsibility and be free.
Some feel unease of being restricted. For those, it would be the right time to face of themselves and what they experienced. They have probably understood they can not be free by complaining.
“So, what is the formula for freedom?”
I don’t know if there is a particular recipe, but I wish that a formula from Öz (essence) will lighten your way, and I will sum up below;
First of all, there are steps of freedom, and it needs time to go through those steps.
Most importantly to be free you need to let it free. So what should we give up, who should we leave?
1. Be your true self, free yourself of living others, partners, friends and family's reality which are not yours.
2. Respect others and their choices even though you don't like them. When you realize that you are imposing your limited, judgmental and domineering ideas to friends, families and partners stop.
3. Recognize and heal your fears of loss, abandonment, adultery, unfairness and feelings of anxiety, guilt, anger to yourself with the help from professionals.
To heal all these emotions you can choose most suitable modality which allows you to get closer to yourself, and every step towards yourself will make you free.
You are only free if you let go of your patterns.
Our Emotional and Spiritual Wounds
Those people who are in our life, who just joined or left us I wonder what are they here to show us, what kind of emotions or spiritual wounds are they trying to help us to see?
This is valuable awareness; sometimes it is easy to realize it with our wisdom, at times it is so complicated so we might need professional help. It does not matter if those people who are pressing our emotional or spiritual buttons are still in our life or not. Even by thinking of them lowers our energy and all our wounds become active and make us feel stressed, abandoned, restless, refused, ashamed, cheated if is the case then you need to work and get help on relationship issues.
Perhaps those wounds are the reason that you can reach your true self, it can make you unable to find your purpose in this life, maybe they are the coverage of love within.
Having trouble to understand and to be understood?
Sometimes we don’t know why we experienced some things, sometimes we don’t understand other people’s attitude, we get angry, upset even we feel afraid of living fully.
In such days, we get mad at ourselves and press what we experience inside us; sometimes we throw it to people around us. In both ways often we clearly can not solve the issue and feel not been understood.
We and other people around us might become angry, stressed and in the end we get tired of this unsolved issues.
But all soul’s unique necessities are to be understood and to be accepted.
As for many other subjects in our life it is possible and easy to become aware on this matter too.
Especially if we are experiencing similar events, and we want to understand, being understood even we want to find solutions to them, I have little but practical suggestion to give;
After slowing down your mind, you can address sincerely to the creator, universe or whatever you believe and ask; What should I realize or understand from this experience which I am dealing at the moment? I am opening myself to understand this situation and wisdom and knowledge which I need to solve this issue. What are the unlimited possibilities to reach for awareness? Then let go.
You should not dwell on it. Repeat it time to time. Even before going to sleep, relax and repeat those questions and go to sleep.
Sometimes small unimportant things can be a source of significant obstacle..
When you completely surrender yourself to process and ready to face yourself, then there is a possibility of that realization. Answers will reach you from the knowledge within you or something you read, or a movie you watch even a song you listen.
Enjoy to discover it by yourself and more importantly you will get closer to your essence by having a step towards it.
Be Strong! Don’t show your weakness! Hide you suffering from others. Smile always Smile!
Do you always really have to be strong and laugh whatever happens? Why do we need to pretend most of the time?
Actually, by pretending we are closing our eyes to our feeling and thoughts and becoming like a robot, we are giving up things that we want to do even we don’t accept ourselves the way we are.
Even more by wearing happy face mask we are closing ourselves to receive help and see another point of views and distance us from our essence and humanity.
Have you ever allow yourself and others to be the way they are and watched?
It is a significant relief to be able to feel what we feel and do whatever this feeling needs to do.
How about to know that we are allowed to make mistakes and compensate them and by knowing this how about to express ourselves, feelings, disappointments, joy everything about us?
I love the power of being human even it 's hard to live life time to time.
To have a child means to have a problem!
I wish they never grow up! More they grow more the problems grow. I wish if they remain like this forever! I have started to hear this type of sentence very often lately. So why do parents think this way? What bothers them so much? Is there anyone who say; to have children means to have a problem? Why is a child become problem to his/her parents? Why are parents uncomfortable of their child’s growing up?
First of all, we need to remember that every human is another world, even they are in the same family, everyone comes this world with different attitude and choices. To born, grow up and die is the natural process and it can not change. To refuse this, and not wanting them to grow up is refusing yourself!
As parents, we are getting tired more than before. Because those exaggerated activities that we think that our child needs actually for our personal satisfaction and tiring us. And also after trying so hard to make them happy and not seeing happiness in their face which we think we have to see is also tiring us and makes us angry.
We need to free us from feeling that , whatever I was not able to do I will try my best that my child will. For example, I did not go to private school, but I know without going to private school it is possible to learn and speak English.
Children like us will receive what they think they need within their capacity. Instead of asking family and friends, best activity for our child is to communicate with them and try to know them so we know what they want to give them with more satisfaction.
Regardless of our culture and our desire of satisfaction If we remember our child is an another individual and try not to interfere in their school choice, their idea to marry or to be single , to have a child or not, an issue will solve itself.
If we separate our ego needs and their actual needs and understand them completely, without trying hard, if we tell them what we are capable of doing for them, if we don’t go into ego trip and say - I am a mother, I am a father, of course, I know better than them- if we regrow , relearn, retransform with our children, then our children will be new enjoyment in our lives.
All of us has something to teach to our families we born into, and they have something to teach us.
To try to bring up a child with self-esteem, self-awareness, loving, caring is the best we can do. We do not need to work hard on this to be an example will be enough.
Instead of looking happiness outside of us, it is better to look inside of us and discover there. A watch its reflection
Rather than trying to make our children happy if we choose to know our value and be happy and share that healing begins. What if we don’t fear our children to be different than us and wanted to love them, understand them and come to terms with it how would that be? Instead of trying to lead our children what if we remember that whatever they do they come to this world to experience and learn?
Life is not only what parents had experienced and knew.
What if we observe the result when they act differently than us and flow within our life together with them?
How about being flexible like a tree? Let us look at the branch of a tree after storm and wind if they are still there. And how the branches of tall trees were standing flexible despite to the storm? I wish you flexible, aware and carefree days.
Have you been ignored or rejected?
We are valuable as all of us created by Allah! İn our relationship’’s level of importance determines by the distance. To react and respond to whose who had been denying or ignoring us physically and mentally and/ or rejecting us crucial for our self-esteem.
If you are accepting this to protect other relationships and above all, if you feel that you have to pretend nothing has happened then, you are mistaken. At that moment there is an important self-respect issue. To stay silence when you are hurt has nothing to do with begin wise and patience. The moment you are aware of it, you should stand up and stop allowing this to happen. No one has value over us. And also opposite is true we are not more than others. We are cut from same fabrics, and we are all special and unique.
To be aware this gives us feeling of relaxation such as; sometimes knowingly or unknowingly we can ignore people who we don’t like, and if this person did not get this we feel uncomfortable. There is both side of this issue if we don’t like someone we expect them to understand us and review the relationship, if someone doesn’t like us we should do the same and take necessary action. Other ways we have to carry this unnecessary burdens for years sometimes for the lifetime. People has a freedom to choose whoever they want to spend time together. To know this liberty and use it gives one peace.
Everyone talks about to begin you. So is that easy to be yourself? What does it mean to “be yourself”?
Yes, to be yourself is lyrical for human begins and also this matter has the capacity to teach us, while teaching it can make us cry and time to time keep us weak. To be yourself takes to be strong. During growing up we take our parents as an example, we become like them, clever, well behave, lovable so we think by doing that everyone will love us. Of course, there are others who chose to be rebellious, ill temper. Simply both attitude has its own downfalls and charge.
So what we are going to do? How are we going to handle? When are we going to talk, when are we going to keep quite? There is no one formula which suitable for everyone. Time and our experiences will teach us. The important thing is to live the conscious life and learn from our lessons because the same attitude might result differently in different situations. This is the reason why life becomes confusing for us. The key sentence is when we feel secure from the inside than we become ourselves.
At the moment I think that I am 80 % myself: I am seeing people that I want to see, and I am not spending time with people that I don’t want to see, or I see them occasionally.
I am talking in order to express myself with good intention and try not to hurt feeling of others. I am showing all my feelings İf I am happy I am happy, if not I do n't hesitate to show that, if I am angry or not, I show that too. I know very well that I don’t have to smile all the time.
Why not be yourself, read a lot, write a lot, chose to experience life, be aware of yourself, be aware of what is happing around you, try to feel how you feel, do whatever necessary with love, then look yourself from outside allow yourself to be you. Everybody can make the mistake it’s up to you to compensate them. Everything you try not to experience is the obstacle that keeps you away from happiness.
Live your life, learn from your lesson and be free.
To express yourself or not to express
Are you expressing your self? Why is it so important to express self? What if we remain silence? What if we never talk? What if we pretend as if we don’t care and after we talk others or if there is nobody around call friends to gossip even? İf none answers we gossip inwardly? What if we wait for someone, a hero speaks for us? What if we remain patients and leave it to God? Is that possible? Or should we wait forever? What if somebody else was talking on behalf of us? Would that person be able to explain what are we feeling and thinking? Would that be possible for others to feel our wound which belongs to our soul? Would that be possible to talk about our feelings, anger, upset with holding lots of untold words, tears and talk about them when the time comes, would we feel much more peaceful? Maybe they are not aware. Maybe they are doing on purpose. There is only one way to understand and find the solution “to express.” When untold words accumulate they take over us and feed our anger and explode in an inappropriate time and place. Perhaps it has never exploded as we believe to remain silence is the virtue. We possibly recorded wrong the idea of keeping silence make us reach whatever we want. Then we can see cold sore in our mouth, our body gives us signals, we can get a sore throat, thyroid problems even if you don’t understand we can make ourselves cancer even, lock our body with illness. The choice is yours.
If we avoid talking and expressing our anger to others, and it becomes bigger and bigger. We have to move on. In fact, before we born we agreed to walk the particular path, our destiny path. More we don’t express ourselves more we distant from our path and look for peace day and night. But be sure there is no solution for the things which will happen and for the person who will die. Maybe expressing yourself is not life and death matter in the end.Perhaps this is just your fear. Maybe by not expressing your feeling you are unable to live your relationship but by mutual expression and with a new perspective and your relationship will be renewed. By keeping things to yourself harm not only you but by vibrationally around you. It is better to express when it is not too late to do. Tell other when they do certain things how you feel, how much you get hurt. Not only express hostile feelings express things which make you feel peaceful too. Start with the people closest to you. But when you are carrying a baggage of untold feelings and unexpressed tears it is not possible to show love to others even you love them the most. Start to empty your baggage first than express yourself with love. To express freely or afraid of to express what is what matters. I am inviting you to show the courage take the control of your lives and express yourself from today. LCV ??? :)
What have you done for yourself today?
I dedicate this article for Tulin Çeviker who added new awareness to my day. I wish you to get same awareness too !
What have you done for yourself?
For example, have you questioned the life you are living and the things that you lived? Have you thought about the things that you can change, or you cannot change? Have you ever question regarding people that you annoyed the most and why are they in your life, what are they teaching you, which of your dark side are they showing to you? Or are you thinking what a shitty life that you have? You are the unlucky one. Are you telling that, this person makes you crazy and getting away from the responsibility? Or are you choosing the most difficult thing and trying to change people around you at work, with your family, loved ones and even humanity? So are you thinking that you will not be successed or are you trying anyway just in case if it works?
Awareness is boundless. When you are aware you get more and more aware every day, it might feel this process creating some issues in the beginning and in that moment we might say time to time “ignorant is bliss” and they live a better life, if they are not aware they are more peaceful. However; There is a long journey for every soul one way or other, they will understand what they need to know that fact ignorant and not be aware may be seen as an escape there is no other way.In this long journey, problems continue to reoccurring in our lives if we don’t understand the lessons. We feel uncomfortable when we see some people at first sight, most likely that our soul knows them. Perhaps we are ready to learn lessons which we have not learned before and the stage would be available again to everyone else who is involved with that experience again. At that moment the only thing we should do is to watch what we are doing.Instead of running away from the events and people we should face ourself and open our souls to understand what we need to learn. You probably say it is easy to talk about it. I assure you if you step out towards to your essence awareness, and enlightenment will occur immediately. Doing something for yourself today will also answer the question of “ what have you done for God today?” We are part of him, whatever has been done for the part also affect the whole. Whenever we heal, ourself also means to heal and transfer our loved ones, families, neighbors, colloquies, and every creature who live on this planet.
I wish everyone a week full of awareness and change & transformation.
How much do you love yourself?
We always expect others to like us, so how much do we love ourself? Why would someone else love us?
One should love thyself first, love one’s organs, fingers, toes, hair, nose, ears. We have so many parts to love, but we wait for someone else to be our lover and love them, kiss them, caress them.
How about to love our inner self, rebelliousness, our angry part, whimsy side, our lack of job, our lack of love, a part we are most annoyed. Then only that parts will transforms. To do that we should be in allowance. It needs to live fully and to be aware of everything that happens around us.
What if we buy the dress we like just for us, eat our favorite food in our favorite restaurant by ourselves, what if we love our selves.
What if we see our soul, mind and body needs with self-respect. What if we put ourself first. What if we say without me it will not be, then sees how everything changes.
© 2014 - 2016 Öz'den Öze İletişim - All rights reserved Translated by Ayşin Albayrak Website Design: Fulya Ertür